My original song "Wrong End of the Block". Peer and professional feedback would be greatly appreciated ( Song Only :) Not my singing )Thank you

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My original song "Wrong End of the Block". Peer and...

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Wrong End Of The Block MP3.mp3

Uploaded by Joe Loforte
104 hits, 3.81MB

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Lyric Critique
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Joe Loforte Discussion started by Joe Loforte 7 years ago

She moved in with her mama bout a month ago

I said to myself, man just to take it slow

The most beautiful woman that I’ve ever seen

With her long dark hair and those eyes so green

Now every time I see her as she walks on by

I get so scared and nervous and I run and hide

I can’t recall the last time that I felt this way

But I know it’s gonna be ok, even though

(Chorus)

I’m at the wrong end of the block

This little lady man she’s looking so hot

I heard she’s running with the boy next door

Bet I could give her more

I’m on the wrong side of the street

This little honey man she’s looking so sweet

I hope that someday she will wear my ring

She makes me wanna sing, yeah

Now I saw her yesterday up on the avenue

I said to myself, man you know what to do

I finally got my nerve up and I took a chance

Pushed my chips all in, for a little romance

As I got a little closer, much to my chagrin

She was with the boy next door and she was wearing his ring

Now here’s a little lesson before we depart

Don’t ever hesitate, cause it will break your heart

(Chorus)

I’m at the wrong end of the block

This little lady man she’s looking so hot

I heard she’s running with the boy next door

Bet I could give her more

I’m on the wrong side of the street

This little honey man she’s looking so sweet

I hope that someday she will wear my ring

She makes me wanna sing, yeah

(Bridge)

Now she don’t even know that I exist in this world

Even though I’m just a stone’s throw away

But I’m hoping that she’ll comes to her senses and be mine someday

(Chorus)

I’m at the wrong end of the block

This little lady man she’s looking so hot

I heard she’s running with the boy next door

Bet I could give her more

I’m on the wrong side of the street

This little honey man she’s looking so sweet

I hope that someday she will wear my ring

She makes me wanna sing, yeah

Replies

Tyler Hunt Hey Joe! You have the talent for great melodies. To me again, the song is great, just the lyrical rhyme scheme just needs to change more. The aabbccdd... is great but after a while your listener expects that. I think your chorus is great, you have an aabbccdd going on there, but that was the same rhyme scheme you had in the verses that repeated. Switch up the rhyme scheme in the verse and see how that works, try an abcabc or abccabcc something to contrast the sections. Great song Joe, you have very strong ideas to start your songs off with. Check out some of your favorite songs and even songs out there (genres you don't listen to much) and see how they are changing their rhyme schemes. I was studying Paul Simons Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover in a class. Check it out. He uses what's called prosody very well. His rhyme scheme in the verses is like an aaab cccb but then the chorus goes into a quick aabbccc dddeeccc. The prosody is in how his rhyme scheme works in the chorus, meaning the verses is slow and building lie the guy trying to figure out how to leave their lover, but Paul uses the quick rhyme in the chorus to kind of make you think that really it's easy to leave your lover and quick "Just slip out the back, Jack, ....." I learned this in an online lyric class with Pat Pattison with Berklee online. He has great books out as well. Not trying to advertise anything, just telling you how I have learned some lyric writing. All the best! great song again... In one of his books he talks about how to switch up an already written out aabbccdd rhyme scheme and how to make it more fresh for the listener, I think it was in his Writing Better Lyrics book. Again, all the best. 7 years ago

Hey Joe!  You have the talent for great melodies.  To me again, the song is great, just the lyrical rhyme scheme just needs to change more.  The aabbccdd... is great but after a while your listener expects that.  I think your chorus is great, you have an aabbccdd going on there, but that was the same rhyme scheme you had in the verses that repeated.  Switch up the rhyme scheme in the verse and see how that works, try an abcabc or abccabcc something to contrast the sections.  Great song Joe, you have very strong ideas to start your songs off with.  Check out some of your favorite songs and even songs out there (genres you don't listen to much) and see how they are changing their rhyme schemes.  I was studying Paul Simons Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover in a class.  Check it out.  He uses what's called prosody very well.  His rhyme scheme in the verses is like an aaab cccb but then the chorus goes into a quick aabbccc dddeeccc.  The prosody is in how his rhyme scheme works in the chorus, meaning the verses is slow and building lie the guy trying to figure out how to leave their lover, but Paul uses the quick rhyme in the chorus to kind of make you think that really it's easy to leave your lover and quick  "Just slip out the back, Jack, ....."  I learned this in an online lyric class with Pat Pattison with Berklee online.  He has great books out as well.  Not trying to advertise anything, just telling you how I have learned some lyric writing.  All the best!  great song again...  In one of his books he talks about how to switch up an already written out aabbccdd rhyme scheme and how to make it more fresh for the listener, I think it was in his Writing Better Lyrics book.  Again, all the best.

Joe Loforte Tyler thank you so much for listening. It is much appreciated !!! 7 years ago