Peer Review, Pro Review - Any Review Please: Behind This...
First, thanks for taking the time to read this song. It was written in
honor of my brothers and sisters in arms who are dealing with the after
affects of war (PTSD). Please note that the airman mentioned in this
song (Ray Losano and Brad Smith) are real people who gave all for this
country. My goal is to create a song great enough to be recorded......a
song that many at home will be able to relate with.....lyrics that
speak to those in silent pain. Also, I am working to create an MP3
version....although I don't have all the Gucci recording gear and
certainly lack some ability - I will do my best to follow up with me and
the guitar. Again, thanks for your time and God Bless.
NOTE: Line 2 of the Chorus changes each time, rest is the same.
Behind This Hardened Soldier
VERSE 1:
Left home, just a teenage boy
he came back a man.
Seen things he never dreamed
on the soil of a foreign land
Doesn’t sleep like he used to,
aged well beyond his years
Tends to hide in the back of the room
when overcome by his fears. (straight to chorus, Voice picks up)
Chorus 1:
Volunteered to serve his country
Overseas, he had to fight
The war may be over
But not inside his mind.
Doesn’t understand his anger,
They don’t know his pain
Behind this hardened soldier
Is a boy trying to find his way.
VERSE 2:
Letters sent home to families
They’ll never be the same
Nightmares and broken dreams
He’s still haunted by their names
Ray Losano never came home
Saw his daughter hug his grave
Bradley Smith, he gave all
Others’ lives he saved
CHORUS 2:
Volunteered to serve his country
Gave all for the Stars and Stripes
The war may be over
But not inside his mind.
Doesn’t understand his anger,
They don’t know his pain
Behind this hardened soldier
Is a boy trying to find his way.
VERSE 3:
Great to serve with such fine men
Lord, he’s been so blessed
Sometime he looks around though
Wonders why the hell he’s left
Chorus 3:
Volunteered to serve his country
Brothers, sisters to his left and right
The war may be over
But not inside his mind.
Doesn’t understand his anger,
They don’t know his pain
Behind this hardened soldier
Is a boy trying to find his way.
Replies
Lonnie Budro
Charles
I like where you are going with this song, and why. And I would like to offer you some suggestions on your lyrics.
I am not trying to co-write, or steal your ideal.
I just feel this song has a lot of potential with a few minor changes.
Here is an example ...
Verse 1
Left home, just a teenage boy
He came back to us, a man
Seen things he never dreamed he'd see
On the soil of foreign land
Doesn't sleep like he used to do
Aged well beyond his years
Tries to hide the fear that's still inside
From the memories ... he hears.
Chorus 1
Volunteered to serve his country
Over seas he had to fight
The war, may be over now
But not the one that's still inside
Doesn't understand his anger
They don't see inside, his pain
Behind this hardened combat soldier
A boys Storm has turned to rain
9 years ago
I like where you are going with this song, and why. And I would like to offer you some suggestions on your lyrics.
I am not trying to co-write, or steal your ideal.
I just feel this song has a lot of potential with a few minor changes.
Here is an example ...
Verse 1
Left home, just a teenage boy
He came back to us, a man
Seen things he never dreamed he'd see
On the soil of foreign land
Doesn't sleep like he used to do
Aged well beyond his years
Tries to hide the fear that's still inside
From the memories ... he hears.
Chorus 1
Volunteered to serve his country
Over seas he had to fight
The war, may be over now
But not the one that's still inside
Doesn't understand his anger
They don't see inside, his pain
Behind this hardened combat soldier
A boys Storm has turned to rain
9 years ago
Charles Bocook
Lonnie,
Thanks for taking the time to reply. And, I appreciate your inputs. 9 years ago
Thanks for taking the time to reply. And, I appreciate your inputs. 9 years ago
James C. Taylor
Gut wrenching song. I like the suggestions, but the song speaks for itself. Thanks for your service.
5 years ago
Andre Artis
I would don't in a lot of place where doesn't is used. For example : "Don't sleep like he used to", They don't understand his pain.
4 years ago
Reece Corlew
My friend is the President of the local VFW Auxiliary, and was really touched by the lyrics. Would love to hear it and find out what you had in mind as far as the instrumental arrangement, but the words are powerful. Also like it that it applies equally to any conflict, whether it's Vietnam or Desert Storm or other more recent ones.
3 years ago